moments of fragility

melbourne is not sydney. sydney is sunshine to the extent of compulsiveness and melbourne is dreary weather, where a multitude of emo thoughts can stack up on upon the other like books on a bookshelf to fall down like dominoes when given the slightest touch.

1. the melbourne cbd, a few streets from hx's house.

2. hx patiently indulged me in my desire to photograph all the universities of melbourne. drew the line at monash :P

3. university of melbourne, where i followed hx to return a book. this photo took so much effort because we were trying to take it without ANYONE in the corridor at all. obviously we were not very persevering.



4. entrance to unimelb's carpark. i would be so entertained just by walking through this door to my car every day.



5. hi huixian. this is how i look like after spending a whole months worth of cramming in my room.



6. not all mine okay. for entertainment purposes only la.



7. christmas :)





8. one of the greatest barriers in my neverending quest for a healthier lifestyle.


9. me picking my dream house decor :P





10. victorian night market. baby i want a hammock like this one day okay.




11. my date ;)



12. goodnight

i left someone behind when i went to melbourne. isn't it funny? but of course, i hesitate when the best thing in the world is right in front of me, when i know that this is it, reach out and grab it, when rational thoughts are no longer important. when the world is finally the right place to live in. but i am lucky, not always but this time, i am lucky. he reaches out and i push him away. i accept and decline intimacy at the same time. i am testing him. its not fair but for all the reasons in the world i have to test him. the more i fall into it the more i am afraid, and the more i push. i frustrate myself. why can't you just stop thinking? stop debating forever and stop trying to see lies in the truth. stop being afraid. stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopit how do you explain the feeling when your heart stops and falls into the depths of your chest cavity when words or actions in the now brings back a nauseating feeling of deja vu? it is like riding a rollercoaster without a seatbelt. but i am lucky and he is patient. we are all broken in one way or another, but he sees past to where the damage has been done, and gently and carefully, he holds me close and fixes me.